Maternal instincts

I have an ongoing battle with my mother. I swore to myself many moons ago that if I ever wrote a book, she'd play a starring role slash recurring villain. I've also sworn to marry the man that understands (and accepts) our seemingly love/hate relationship.

We're too similar and far too different. Both of us have a tendency to overanalyse everything and we're a lot more sensitive and emotional than people give us credit for. We both throw everything we have into making sure everyone around us is happy and take a sadistic sense of pride when things fall apart, because we're the ones to swoop in, pick up the pieces and save the day. In a sentence: we have hero complexes.


As I type, we're in the middle of another one of our "spats". These can go on for days, weeks and once, even as long as a year. We don't speak to each other or, if we do, it's very polite and clipped, revealing nothing of importance, especially not how we feel.

The differences between us are something I haven't quite managed to nail down. I know, logically, that clearly there is some vital difference, something that the other doesn't quite understand, that results in these WW2-like conflicts. But to date, it eludes me. One of the problems I have with my relationship with my mom is that because I'm so close to it, it happens naturally and habitually - I don't have to think or analyse because things are just the way they've always been.

Lately, I've been making a concerted effort to take a step back and try to understand our relationship. I'm hoping putting this down to "paper" will help. So far, I've figured out the following:

1. We share our "hero" complex. I used to think this was something only she did. Then I realised (much to my distaste), that I do it too. So much for "never turning into my mother".

2. My relationship with my mom - like, I believe, every other girl on the planet - is extremely complicated. It's a complex combination of habits, fears and illogical, irrational behaviours. I also believe that identifying a behaviour is half the battle in changing it.

3. My sisters have very different relationships with her. Not because they aren't like her; we all share similar anxieties and respond to things in much the same way. But they don't take the quips and cracks quite as hard as I do. #middlechildsyndrome

We're officially onto 24 hours for this one. Let's see how long it lasts this time...